#BloggerProbs

I like to think that I'm a blogger at heart.  The truth is, I blog and then save it.  I'll then read it and try to second guess how someone might interpret my blogs.  Will they think I'm trying to brag? Will they think I'm crazy? What will they think?  So, tonight, as I opened up my blog to compose a new one, my eyes drifted to the many DRAFTS that were in big red letters.  I opened up this draft, and found myself disappointed that I hadn't posted this blog.  After all, I created this blog mostly to have as a "journal" for my children to see one day.  The struggles, love, and thoughts of mom and dad in the midst of our crazy lives.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I say that to say this.  This blog is for my kids.  I should have posted this.  It makes my heart smile when I think about the day that I describe below.  Yes, it's a year later.  It's a memory though.  I want my kids to know they are important!

After coming off the weekend I feel myself so very thankful for life, love, friendship, family, shelter, all the conveniences of our modern day. I guess it really started last Thursday.  Thursday is usually the day I find myself looking forward to each week.  My day of nothing, a day to catch up on whatever I've failed to complete through the week. Honestly, it's the only day of the week, usually, that we have nothing.  Last Thursday was even more special at our house. We were excited that school would be out early, and it was REPORT CARD day!!!!!  I had forgotten the anticipated day until Keller reminded me as quick as he woke up.  As he left off to school I found myself racking my brain of what I could do to make this day special for Keller.  No matter the grades I knew that Keller had worked super hard, and I needed him to know that we were so very proud of him as a family.  I came from parents that NEVER failed to recognize my efforts academically.  This is our first year in school; we want to instill in Keller, and all of our children, the importance of striving, and doing our best in all that we do.  Keller hasn't disappointed in the least little bit.  However, his efforts at penmanship have left much room for improvement.  We started the year off with wonderful grades, yet unsatisfactory handwriting skills.  After our first six weeks with the dreaded -U- Bobby and I began to try and make handwriting FUN-Fun work books, apps on our phones, dry erase boards, teaching opportunities for Keller to teach his sister, tracing words etc . . . . At first our efforts were really of no interest to Keller.  He went through the motions, but never seemed excited.  Then, one day, it's like it clicked with him.  He started to recognize the praise and encouragement he was getting.  HE wanted to do better, He was excited about, and determined to better his grade.  

Some of you are thinking. . . . . . "oh, you just wait, wait till singapore math kicks in, wait for Chemistry, wait for college applications" I know, I know.  However, this was our mountain right now. Each mountain is a learning opportunity.  A chance to resound in Keller that life is a day by day challenge and we must put our best into everything- no matter how big or small.

I thought back to what I usually did on report card days.  My parents were never really the parents that rewarded us with money for good grades.  I have no problem with parents who do that, I totally see the incentive for the kids, but I don't want them to come to expect money for grades.  We've gone the other extreme . . . . .  we reward with a special gift ( for semester grades) and a special dinner for 6 weeks. Not really sure what types of scars or bad habits I'm creating with that.  My children may need therapy one day :-) As I racked my brain that morning on what to do for Keller; I thought back to the place that I usually picked.  I ALWAYS picked Russell's.  . . . . .  always!!!!  I got the exact same thing EVERYTIME that I went.  The sirloin for two (I split it with my mom) and I would eat EVERY last morsel of it!!!!!!  I can still remember thinking about how I would fix my salad, getting crackers and slathering them down with butter, and making myself sick on the garlic bread.  So, as I picked up Keller from school I had that on my mind.  He hopped in the van and immediately said, "I got my report card!"  I said, "Well . . . . .how did you do?"  He was quick to remind me that they were not allowed to look at their report cards until they were with an adult that they lived with.  Then he gave me the look..... the look like, "well . . . . . your the adult, come on, open that envelope!"  I handed him the envelope and let him open it.  As his eyes quickly scanned the report card he was elated!!!!  At the very top of his priority was his handwriting.  He had made S+ for the first time the entire year.  He had made straight A's, but the only thing he seemed overjoyed about was that precious + sign after the S.  I have to admit, I was pretty proud myself.  That expression on his face spoke volumes.  He had come full circle, and realized that all that hard work had paid off.  When we arrived home I told him that he could pick any restaurant he wanted, just as long as we could sit down at the restaurant.  He immediately said, "I'll have to think about it."  It was in that moment that I realized my children had NEVER eaten at Russell's.  I know, your thinking-crazy, right?  It's just that we tend to get a lot of carry out at restaurants, or we eat the exact same thing everytime we go out.  My children pick Pepper's, Don Julios, and Papa John's OFTEN!!!!  I took this opportunity to tell him about Russell's, and so many fond childhood memories.

Okay . . . . so maybe I influenced him a bit.  I'll admit, it might have been a bit selfish of me.  After all, it was his grades, his choice, his day.  I just knew that he would love it if he tried it.  Off we went.  It was a HUGE success for all of us.  McKendry and Keller both kept talking about how much they loved everything that they tried, and how it was their new favorite restaurant.  What a perfect night!!!!

The Bobby and Nicole of Ole'

Every year the seasons change, happens without fail.  Its a promise from God  . . . . . four seasons. Each year, most of us, find ourselves yearning for the next season.  Each winter I long for the sand and warm  breeze.  During those scorchers of humidity that you could cut with a knife, I dream of a hot mug of hot chocolate if front of a crackling fire.  

This year is no different.  I've had this foretaste of pumpkin spice, smores around a campfire, warm spiced cider, crisp leaves scattered everywhere, snuggling under a warm cozy blanket, and the list could go on for days.  When this time of year begins to emerge though it brings back wonderful memories of years past.  As a teenager, my Friday nights were spent at the football field.  Many of your memories are probably the same.  Yours may be of the sound of football pads crashing into each other and the blow of a whistle, the dew on the field as a you cheered on your favorite team, or the anticipation of watching two rivals having it out. (while decked out in face paint and school colors)  Mine was a bit different.  I was raised in a family of music.  So, as high school came and went music was a huge part of what I did.  

Just a couple of weeks ago our family decided to attend a football game to watch my nephew in the band.  Not any band, but the band that Bobby and I both grew up playing in.  I didn't realize the emotion it would evoke in me.  It was a normal Friday for us.  I got off work around 5pm, and had to rush to pick up the kids.  The kids stay at Bobby's childhood home on Fridays.  As I traveled down the infamous Farmington road to Bobby's parents house it took me back.  Countless days of speeding down this road anticipating the night of football and, more importantly, THE half-time show.  In the opposing lane, I saw those same faces flashing past me - football players, cheerleaders, dancers, color guard, band students, faculty, parents, grandparents, student body etc. . . .  The recollection of traveling in my beat-up ole grand prix speeding down Central School Road became so real.  I'd stop off at Central-mini mart for a much needed gulp of caffeine, pull into the band hall parking lot on two wheels. . . . . it's a wonder I survived.  We would rush to assemble our instruments, and head into the warm up room for a quick run through of the show music.  If time permitted we would head out to the practice field and make a quick run through of the show.  . . . it was an effort to perfect every single detail of our show.  Then the much anticipated march to the football field.  The drum cadence ringing through the stadium echoing each rimshot.  I'll never forget the smells of freshly grilled "stadium" burgers, popcorn, the glow of the stadium lights . . . .  I never really think I took it in like I should have.  We would line up for our spirit line after blaring "The Star Spangled Banner" .  The banner that the cheerleaders had thought out for weeks torn and ripped apart as the football players burst through the paper.

Flashback to reality.  . . . . Bobby, mom, and I driving down Central School Road in our mini-van (a.k.a. swagger wagon) with our three kiddos in the back.  The kids were oblivious to the memories of the past, nostalgia associated with this "place" as they called it.  As we walked down the sidewalk Bobby and I reminisced of who's classroom that used to be, that's where mommy went to her first valentine dance, I graduated high school on this field, he was my high school driver's ed teacher . . . . . .  it was a bit disappointing.  They could have cared less.  The idea that we were once energetic excited kids as they are didn't affect them one bit.  I needed their feelings to be moved.  I needed them to see our youth. . . . . .  nothing . . . .  absolutely NOTHING!!!!  

The truth of the matter is, they will never know that side of their mommy and daddy.  It was truly fun and exciting to have revisited it, if for only a split second.  Wonderful memories of the past, and pure elation of the future for our children.  Yet again, the power of the responsibility of being mommy and daddy to these three beautiful kids!!!!  I pray that we can instill in them to savor each and every moment of their childhoods.  A flash, and it's behind us.  

HELLO Cooler Weather

     Tuesday was like most days in the Roach house.  Bobby got up around 6:30 to start getting ready for work, and I sluggishly joined him around 7:15.  I'm totally NOT a morning person. . . . . .  Our life is NOT like you see on the movies.  We DON'T roll over to give each other kisses to greet each other in the morning.  It usually begins with Bobby frantically turning the alarm off so, as to not wake up sleeping Kohen.  He crawls over me in the bed instead of letting his feet hit the floor on his side of the bed.  Why, you ask?  Why would he do that?  Well, welcome the original hardwood floors that we fell in love with when we bought this house.  The ones that now we DETEST!!!!  They are a source of amplified creaking throughout the house.  It's probably not near as bad as we make it out to be; BUT when you have a four month old that is lightly sleeping, and you need to get a shower it seems as if it resonates through the entire neighborhood with each exaggerated step that we take.  It's like it's all happening in slow motion.  Bobby is so much better than I am though.  I'm the one that hits the snooze button no less than 5 times.  All the while, I'm reasoning with myself on why I don't have to wash my hair, or I don't have to have a shower.  He usually pops right up after the alarm goes off.  It honestly is one of the many areas that I envy about Bobby.  Then with a groan and a sigh I usually will finally pry myself out of the bed.  By this time, Bobby usually has already gotten Keller up for school.  Sometimes Keller has already gotten up.  He's one of those rare kids that gets up for school before his parents get him up.  That's wonderful, I know, however, on a Saturday morning it SUCKS!!!!!  

     Anywho, moving on . . . . . . .  It was the usual morning of running around brushing teeth, being a Houdini with Keller's hair, packing up lunch, putting clothes on, prying him away from the TV . . . .  all the while we are spelling words for this week. Then at the last minute we squeeze in a cereal bar, or a cup of oatmeal for the car.  I know. . . . .  it sounds VERY organized doesn't it? I came back inside MAD at myself that I didn't wash my hair, that I didn't get up and do my quiet time, that I didn't have my prayer time . . . . . I sat down read through what I'm working through in my Bible, and opened my prayer app to begin praying. . . . . .  ENTER . . . .  cooing baby . . . . . . . . ENTER singing three year old on the monitor!  As focused as I could be, I rushed through my prayer time.  I know,  judge me if you will.  I've finally realized that a rushed prayer time with distractions in the background is better than nothing at all.  I'm not making excuses.  I realize that I should NEVER put that time on the back burner, and that I should get up right when the alarms goes off.  That way I can enter my quiet time and prayer time with complete focus and dedication.  I know ALL of that.  However, I am human and many mornings I don't.  Why shouldn't we be real with each other and share those parts of ourselves? Instead, so many of us, try to make our lives look like a fairy tale and perfect in every aspect.  I'm finally at a place in my spiritual walk where I'm completely and totally okay with admitting that.  For many of you who know me well, you know that is a huge step for me.  

      Fast forward to around 10 am when I walk outside to take the trash out . . . . . .  HELLO 64 degrees!!!!!  I'm so very glad that I'm that mother, the mother that didn't check the weather, and sent my son in shorts and a T-shirt!  Thank you God for your GRACE and watching over my children when I check-out . . . . . 

Day by Day

I'm so very behind on blogging, and considering our latest adventure in the Roach home I have PLENTY of time to blog. I was overcome with emotion last night as I considered just how blessed my family truly is.  This last week has consisted of a challenging transition for our little family.  Mommy went from doing most everything for us to doing absolutely NOTHING for us.  I'm not saying that I do EVERYTHING, but for most, the responsibilities of the household fall on mommy.  Especially a mommy who only works two days a week, and primary job is homemaker.  With that said my precious husband has stepped up to the plate, and has made me look like a sad excuse for a homemaker.

His days consist of getting up each morning, getting himself dressed, waking the kids, getting them dressed (including hair fixing and tooth brushing), breakfast, making bags for them both, loading them into the car, taking them to there "homes" for the day, and rushing into work.  His day then starts as making decisions with his staff to once again help people.  By this time, he usually rushes home for lunch to make sure that I'm surrounded by any kind of snack that I might need, and making me lunch.  He then runs back to work and finishes out his day.  From there he will usually run to the gym and get a quick workout or come home for a quick run.  Then it's time to pick up the kids.  Last night consisted of getting home by 5, feeding the kids a quick supper, dressing them, and rushing to soccer practice.  Mind you, before he left the house he made sure I had medicines, food, drink, phone, computer, book etc.  . . . . . anything that I could possibly need while he was gone.  By the time he walked in the house last night following a soccer practice with a 5 year old and a 3 year old he still had a smile on his face and a pep in his step.  Not as peppy but peppy none the less.  Does his day stop then?  Nope . . . .  baths to give, snacks for the kiddos, pajamas, homework, "down time", and waiting on me hand and foot.  Needless to say, when he got into the bed last night he was pooped beyond belief.  He did make the comment of "it's just continuous, it never ends and keeping the house picked up by yourself is hard".  I will have to admit, HONESTLY, for a split second I did have to chuckle to myself because, I've walked in those shoes many days.  Then, I was overwhelmed with just how very wonderful of a man that God sent to me.  When your dating and thinking of your potential spouse this is nothing that I ever thought about.  Sure, I looked at Bobby and thought, "won't he be a good daddy one day", but never did I consider if he could run our entire household.

All I can say is THANKFUL!!!!!   We have this as our daily routine in the Roach home for 11 more days.  Please pray for Bobby and his sanity.  This entire time I've looked at this as an inconvenience for me, because I have to stare at 4 walls twenty-four seven day in, and day out, and them I'm reminded that my day is super easy.  Thank you Bobby Glenn Roach . . . . . . you are an amazing man.  I pray that you feel important today, and know that you are more than appreciated.

A day in the life . . . . . .

It's been FOREVER since I blogged.  It's not that I haven't put my thoughts on paper . . . . . . . . I was looking today, and I have about 10 blogs that I just never posted.  Who know's why . . . . . .  they just didn't seem postable at the time.  Now, they are out of date so it just seems meaningless.

Much has happened in our lives since last posting. . . . . I haven't posted since September of last year.  It's amazing really to think of what all has gone in our lives.  We've had Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's.  I feel like such an inadequate blogger.  I should have posted the great pics of our first Halloween in our new neighborhood of our little Spider Girl and Captain American painting the town.  All of the numerous ways that our family has been blessed over the last year, and how very thankful we are of that.  Our wonderful Christmas spent with friends and family . . . . the list goes on.  I took pics of it all, and had good intentions of sharing, but honestly it's still ALL sitting on my camera along with the thousands of other pics that I have saved.  Think what you will . . . . . .  that's what I do though, I take the pics, and then take months, sometimes years, to do anything with them.

So, this year, as our lives get even busier I vow to try and do better.  I feel myself just thinking how crazy I am to say that, but REALLY . . .  I am going to make an effort.  Our new addition to our growing family should arrive the first of May . . . . . and I SOOOOOO don't want to be the mom that barely has pics of the little guy.  It just gets so hard, and so busy . . . .  BUT I know that I will be so glad, and he will feel so special if I stick to it and follow through with documenting our lives.  I'm going to try and make an effort.  Let's face it, life can be take from us at any given second, and I pray that my children will KNOW, and see that I cared enough about them to take time out of our busy schedules to leave them a legacy through pics and letters.

Today, as most days, McKendry and I spent about an hour of our morning snuggled up on the couch watching "girly" shows and relaxing.  I began to bargain with her how much I might be able to get accomplished without her having my undivided attention.  She seemed a little reluctant, but, as most days, I decided to slip out from under our blankets, and put it in high gear before time to pick up Keller from school.  This consisted of putting the television on her VERY FAVORITE show, getting out her favorite books, putting my phone on her favorite game, and then immediately tearing up the stairs in high gear to see what all I could get done.  I had about 30 minutes to get it all done.   .   .   .  I never know what I'm going to get, so I have to prioritize my duties of most to least important. ( the DIVA breakdown sometimes only gives me 5 minutes) I usually start with the kitchen sink, because it seems to be the catch all for most of the filth in my home.  I honestly feel like most days I unload, reload, unload, reload the dishwasher all day.  DONE. . . . .  I then move onto the other dungeon of our home *drumroll, please* the dreaded laundry room.  I turned the dryer on for the 15th time to "refluff" some clothes (15 is an exaggeration BUT third time is not), run to make up all of the beds, pick up the, count em', 7 pairs of shoes scattered throughout the floors, make a quick sweep over the dining room and kitchen floors, make the beds, flush the kids commode and wipe off the "waste" left behind (I would literally be ashamed for anyone to witness that first hand), pick up the scattered clothes here and there that the kids have shed 'just because', pick up bathrooms . . . . and the list goes on.  Take a second to look at my watch and I realize "WOW, I'm doing good, I did all of that in like 25 minutes and STILL not a peep out of McKendry!"  Then, I take a look in the mirror with what I have to work , in the next 5 minutes, for the day.  WOW, totally bad hair day  . . . . . .  maybe going to bed with the freshly showered head last night after teaching spin wasn't the best decision.  This is when you get the spray bottle out and PRAY that you can get it laid down enough to make it look like you tried just a little.  Oh well, no such luck, plan #2 the "old faithful" pony tail . . . . . . . WOW that's even bad.  Plan #3 pony tail with the baseball hat . . . . . . well, that will have to do.  Slap on the bare minimum of makeup, so as not to scare the neighbors, and then quickly run downstair to dress McKendry.  The spray bottle and brush, of course, for her, TOTALLY makes her look amazing . . . . .Oh to be able to do that again.  We then rush out the door to head into town to pick up Keller.  We go through our usual routine, wait in car rider line while McKendry usually watches a movie on the dvd player and I catch up on reading.  As Keller gets into the van we go through the usual "how was your day, show me your papers, what you want for lunch etc. . . . .  As I pulled out onto Harper road the piercing double beep of my gas alarm goes off, and I realize oops . . . .  might need to address that.  We proceed to get gas, and decide to make a surprise visit by daddy's office just to say "HI"!  We visit for a moment with Bobby, and then conclude that lunch out might just be easiest.  Off we go to McDonald's (don't judge me, it's totally necessary sometimes). . .  of course, not before stopping at Taco Bell b/c Keller decides a burrita' (as he pronounces it) would be better for his taste palate.  Lunch at McDonald's was actually uneventful, excluding the fighting over which game to play on the game screen at the table, yet in the midst of it when Bobby returned to the table after getting drink refills he reached over and hugged me and said "Do you find yourself wondering  how we're so blessed to live this life?" I thought "WOW, this really is the life!" (but said, "Bobby, I'm pregnant, remember, don't get the flood gates opened right here in front of everyone!")

I know it seems boring and cheesy to most, but what an honor to get to have this life we have . . . . . . .

Heaviness . . . . . .

Do you ever have those days when your overcome with emotion. . . . .  It's like everything that you could possibly feel in your entire lifetime is laid on your heart at that very moment.  I've been so convicted lately of how we flippantly will say that we are praying for someone yet, we cease to truly PRAY for that person.  Not the prayer of "dear God, you know _________ needs, I pray that you will meet those needs"  in the midst of our crazy day. You know what I'm talking about . . . . . . if we are honest we all do it.  I'm not bashing those prayers or saying they aren't worthy. God hears all of our prayers, and I KNOW that no prayer is to small or to big for our God. BUT I do feel that we should set aside time to PRAY without ceasing for those needs of our friends, family, co-workers,  acquaintance's, friends of friends etc.  The truth of the matter is we are all family doing life together, and God calls us to support each other not only in the extraordinary times, when it's easy, but also during the times of dismay.  Those are the times when we need each other the most.  The times when we question, "why?" The times when we become angry at how such horrible things can happen to such wonderful people.

This morning I woke to so many prayer needs of those close to me (and even not-so-close) that I genuinely was overwhelmed.  I had no conception of where to begin, what to pray, how to pray . . . . .  I could not process all the emotion, all the devastation, the wonderful praise of healing, and new days ahead.  I felt myself  being so easily distracted when praying for these needs.  Distracted . . . . . .  really?Why would I become distracted?  We are talking about peoples lives, questions of what tomorrow brings, pleads with God to heal peoples bodies, yet my mind would still drift to things concerning me.  I know that seems so selfish, and awful of me to admit. How could I be so heartless that I would let other things distract me?  What were those distractions?  Distractions of praise . .  praise that I have been so blessed with all that I have.  Conviction of how often I'm not appreciative of what I have, how I constantly find myself wanting more, yearning for more, and feeling like I NEED more.  Conviction of not only my blessing, but how I fail MISERABLY daily by trying to take control, and be my hands and feet.  Daily I find myself doubting how I may have handled a situation at work, with Bobby, with my children, at a store or on the road to a total stranger.  Why do I doubt those times? BECAUSE I'm not letting God lead me.

So, today, as I do life will all of you I pray that I will take my prayer time seriously.  I pray that when my thoughts drift to you, that not only will I cherish you as one of my thoughts, but that I will genuinely pray for you.  I don't have to specifically know your needs, God knows them.  I just have to focus my eyes on Him and not the distractions of me.  Each of you deserve the prayers of praise, thanksgiving, healing, renewal without distraction.  I vow to be raw and candid when even the flesh of me worries what others may think.  God calls us to be real with each other.

Know that you are loved and that today my heart is so heavy for many.  I take that heaviness seriously . . . .

Happy Birthday Keller!

WOW!  The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of fun.  . . . . . My mom always stayed at home with my brother and I during the summers.  I remember those days of waking up to see what fun new adventure mom had planned for us.  I wouldn't exactly call me that kind of mom, but I will say that we have stayed very busy.

This past weekend we held Keller's Water Birthday Extravaganza at our home.  I'll admit . . . . .  since staying home I have had to become much more creative on how to celebrate Birthday's on a budget. However . . . . . I've really enjoyed the creativity.  June usually creates a challenge.  The heat is almost unbearable, yet, Keller always wants to be outside.  This year was no different than any other in his request to PLAY outside.  Being the good mother that I am *oozing with sarcasm* I truly tried to talk Keller out of being outside.  He insisted.  Solution you ask?  Water . . . .  and LOTS of it!  We purchased every water toy imaginable within our budget and decided to embrace the challenge and move on.  We got up early that morning and filled the kiddy pool with water, set up the water slide, set the sprinkler up, and waited for the fun to begin.  As the children started showing up it was evident that our worries were just that, worries . . . . . . the children were having a BLAST!  How could this party get any better in Keller's eyes UNTIL his Great Aunt Cissy and cousin Jennafer showed up with their gift.  Cissy came to me in true Cissy form . . . . . .  asking me to approve the gift before we showed it to Keller.  I know that request may seem strange to most, but Cissy has a history of going a little BIG when it concerns birthday gifts.  As I walked to her car I wondered how in the world she could have out done the blow up fire station from years past. . . . . .

Needless to say, you can imagine the reaction of the kids. . . . . .  Heck, you can imagine my reaction as well.  I'm a kid myself, I was elated and so blessed for my child to have such a generous and loving family.  Who wouldn't want a mammoth slide in their back yard?  It's just that thank you doesn't quite seem enough for such a wonderful gift for our sweet Keller.  We will NEVER forget this wonderful birthday for our sweet Keller!  Thank you soooooo much for all that were able to take part in our special day . . . . . . . . everything was more than perfect!!!!!

 The perfect cake made just for Keller by his AA!

 Slip and slide fun compliments of daddy!

 A little push from daddy!

 Sweet Friends!

 Bubble's from the slip and slide

 Fun hanging out with friends in the pool!

 Everyone patiently waiting for their turn!

 Fun times!

 Sweet Andrew . . . . . it was his birthday the day of the party!

 Allie's face full of fun!

 Allie Grace sliding!

 Cora getting in on the action!

 Happy Birthday to Keller!

 Everyone wants some cake!

 Keller's new guitar from Mr. Shane!!!

 Keller's very own big boy robe that Gran Gran made!

Thanks Uncle Doug and AA for the Lightning McQueen table!

As you can tell . . . . .   we had a BIG time!!!!!  We thank God for our wonderful friends and family and most of all for the precious life of Keller McKane Roach!!!!!